Choosing a spouse

God did not send out Adam to look for a wife or the woman to find Adam (Genesis 2:18-22).

Rebekah, Rachel, and Zipporah did not go to the wells each looking for a husband (Genesis 24:15-16, Genesis 29:9, Exodus 2:16). Neither was Isaac looking for his wife (Genesis 24:63), and Jacob and Moses did not arrive at the wells because they were looking for their respective spouses (Genesis 27:43-45, Genesis 29:5, Exodus 2:15). 

Ruth did not go to the field looking for a husband (Ruth 2:2) and Boaz did not go to the field looking for a wife (Ruth 2:4).

So why do we think that we should?

In fact, in almost all of the above-mentioned stories, who did the looking? The answers can be found in Genesis 2:18-22, Genesis 24:2-4, Exodus 2:21, Ruth 3:1. 

Were those who looked, supposed to follow their preferences and own mind concerning the choice of spouse? Read Genesis 24:40, 42-44. God alone does the choosing. 

Were the man and woman free to accept or even reject a proposed marriage union? See Genesis 24:5,8,58 and Ruth 3:5. It would not be wise to reject the perfect will of God, but people don't always understand the will of God perfectly, so everyone involved must be granted the freedom and right to say no. 

So does that mean that an unmarried man or woman should just sit back and do nothing while they wait for the one? Not at all. Among other things, you need to know what you want and what you don't want, as guided by God, and also concerning the rest of the family you will marry into. 

How will you know that if you don't date? The same way you learn the personality, character, and ways of other people - by spending time with them, talking and doing things together. 

How do you do that if you don't date? The best way is to regard individuals as brothers or sisters or extended family members. Not for the purpose of looking for a spouse, but for other noble purposes, spend time together, not exclusively, in group settings, the groups consisting of people of all ages and backgrounds. And prayerfully learn through interactions about what you like and what you don't like. (Amos 3:3, Proverbs 3:5-6, Joshua 9 (:14), 1 Kings 3:16-28)

That will also help you to grow and become the person God needs you to be for your future spouse. 

Another thing that stands out is that in four out of the five stories mentioned above, the people involved are not complete strangers, because either the parental figure knows both the unmarried man and woman or the two families are acquainted on some level.

Remember 

• that no one can expect you to do what they believe should be done if you haven't heard about it from God (read Acts 9:12 and Acts 10:19-20)
• that you must know for yourself the personality, character, and ways of the person you are expected to join your life with (Exodus 2:17-19, Ruth 2:8-10,13-14,19-20, Ruth 3:17-18, Ruth 2:11, Ruth 3:10-11) 
• to pray for the unmarried and the parental figures, who might not even be aware of their responsibility
• the words in Lamentations 3:22-23 and John 8:10-11.

I hope that you can or will see the beauty, peace, purity, and many more blessings and benefits that are possible through this way of choosing a spouse. (Psalm 29:2, Genesis 24:50-51, Genesis 24:16, Ruth 3:11)

My mixed media artwork, titled Overlapping Hearts, reminds me of the words of Jesus in Matthew 19:6. 

Scripture from the New King James Version® of the Bible